by Tanya, Ph.D.

Tantric love-making is a matter of the heart and feelings. The two partners come to each other from the sacred heart space and meet each other on the level of their high being – that part of them that is their most beautiful, loving, compassionate, up-lifted selves. They honor, cherish and revere each other because they chose to focus on the best in each other, especially during their intimate times together. They bring sacredness to their sexual experiences with each other and yet at the same time free up that part of them that is wild, abandoned, primitive and spontaneous. In normal love-making, the novelty of new lovers keeps them very attentive and honoring with each other and thus the sex is hot. Over-time familiarity steps in and couples become less attentive and honoring with each other, and begin to take each other for granted. They do the same thing over and over again in the same location and, often at the same times, and are not fully attentive as they do it. As a result the sex becomes routine and they lose their desire for each other and become disappointed in their sexual partnership with each other.

Normal sex is a fast moving, continual escalating rise of energy from no excitement to a peak of excitement and orgasm The goal of intercourse is orgasm – an orgasm on the part of the man that comes far too soon for most women to have orgasm during intercourse. Tantric sex has no goal but to enjoy the moment. It is a slow, heart connected, experience with rises and falls of energy and plateaus and multiple peaks that goes on and on over extended time.

With Tantricas, there is a lot of eye contact and heart connection, a lot of playfulness and even silliness. There may be breaks for erotic dancing, snacks, a change of positions, such as from man on top to scissors position, or from sitting in yab yum to anal sex, from sensual massage and erotic sensual delights that pleasure the skin, taste, smell and ears of a blind folded receiver, and that might include sucking liqueur off a breast, or searching for a grape in a yoni (the Tantric term for vagina), to making love in a Tantra swing hung from the ceiling. There is no push for anyone’s orgasm and at no point does anyone want there to be more arousal than there is. The desire only is to totally enjoy whatever is happening and to be fully present to it to all the enjoyment it has to offer.

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